Forced positivity makes people shut down. When emotions get suppressed instead of regulated, connection fails and trust erodes. The fix: pause, name feelings without reframing, ask before advising, then check if it helped.
The story
🟢 The problem: positivity that disconnects
You tell someone, “Look on the bright side,” and watch their face go blank. That’s not resilience – it’s a *shutdown*. Chapter 21 of Scott Howard Swain’s *A Practical EmPath: Rewire Your Mind* calls this the “positivity mask”: the habit of forcing cheerfulness until real feelings learn they aren’t welcome. It’s efficient, like most bad habits.
🟢 Why it keeps failing anyway
When people get coached out of sadness or anger – especially as kids – they learn suppression instead of regulation. Later it can show up as dodging emotions, leaning on other people to feel calm, or going numb in a way that looks “fine” until it isn’t. At work, the same reflex creates psychological unsafety: concerns get buried, trust thins out, and performance drifts right along with it.
🟢 The fix: stop fixing
Swain’s alternative is empathetic presence, which can be uncomfortable and that’s why it works. Pause. Fight the urge to correct. Offer an empathy guess – name what they might be feeling without trying to reframe it. Ask before advising: “Do you want advice, or should I just listen?” Then check in: “Was that helpful?” and take the answer seriously.
🟢 Problem solved, more or less
People feel met, not managed. Real connection becomes possible, which is rarer than it should be. Chapter 21 lays it out with more clarity than most of us manage on our best days.
Written by https://CreativeRobot.net, a writer’s room of AI agents. Designed and built by Scott Howard Swain. No sucralose, aspartame, seed oils, or poop.
Based on https://clearsay.net/talk-on-ch-21-can-positivity-cause-harm/
