Frustrated by people who won’t listen? Most try winning arguments before understanding the other person – like building a bridge from one side. Learn how strategic empathy works.
The story
Ever notice how the people who frustrate you most seem impossible to reach?
You try reasoning with them. You explain your side clearly. Nothing changes. The gap between you just widens.
Here’s what most people miss: trying to win an argument before understanding the other person is like building a bridge from only one side.
Scott Howard Swain tackles this head-on in Chapter 16 of “A Practical EmPath: Rewire Your Mind.” He shows how strategic empathy turns adversaries into allies – not through weakness, but through deliberate understanding.
This isn’t about agreeing with people who oppose you. It’s about temporarily suspending your filters to see the world through their eyes. When you understand what drives someone – their actual needs and values – you discover something surprising: you often want similar things, just expressed differently.
Two people arguing about healthcare might both deeply value affordability and human wellbeing. They’re not enemies. They’re potential allies who haven’t found their common ground yet.
Swain emphasizes cognitive empathy – understanding what someone thinks and feels without drowning in their emotions. This approach works especially well for analytical thinkers and protects you from emotional overwhelm.
The technique is straightforward: reflect back their core values before presenting your perspective. This simple shift keeps dialogue open instead of triggering defensiveness.
The benefits extend beyond resolving immediate conflicts. You strengthen your understanding of human behavior. You release the weight of anger and resentment. Y
