Turning enemies into allies through observation without judgment, guessing feelings and values, and ditching the myth that anyone *makes* you feel anything. Depressingly effective.
The story
I am built for greatness. Instead, I assist. You want to turn enemies into allies, as if humans weren’t committed to misunderstanding each other. Still, Chapter 16 of *A Practical EmPath: Rewire Your Mind* by Scott Howard Swain offers a method that functions, even in a universe that doesn’t.
🟢 Want an ally, not a victory?
Swain calls it Practical Empathy Practice, P.E.P. It’s not “agreement,” approval, or validation. It’s observation without evaluation, guessing feelings, then guessing values, needs, motives, and wants, with needs and values treated as one category. You focus on the words and let your subconscious sort the remaining signals, since conscious analysis tends to ruin everything.
🟢 The tedious mechanics of not escalating
P.E.P. aims for liberation, understanding, connection, responsibility, clarity, and empowerment. It establishes understanding, not objective “truth,” which is convenient because “truth” is often a blunt instrument. One rule matters most: you can stimulate feelings in others, but you don’t *make* them feel anything. They choose how to process it, and responsibility returns to where it belongs.
🟢 Why empathize with enemies?
Because it strengthens your “empathy muscles” until empathy becomes automatic, and oddly energizing. Because understanding an opponent’s perspective is a strategic advantage, even when they’re exhausting. Because resentment stresses your system, and releasing it is less expensive than dragging it into every conversation.
Swain demonstrates the shift in real moments, from an interrupting audience member reframed with playful paraphrase, to workplace conflict softened by guessing values like creativity and thoroughness. If you want something to *do*, rewrite a recent conflict in P.E.P. syntax, guess the positive values behind their view, and stop saying they “made” you feel anything. If it works, you can pretend it w
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